The Border: You Are What You Were Going to Eat

Homeland Security at the Pt. Roberts border crossing saves its deepest concerns for what you are planning to have for dinner tonight or breakfast tomorrow. Despite the fact that an orange that enters Pt. Roberts--should that terrible and forbidden thing happen--has no way to go any further than the beach, unless it accidentally rolls down to the water’s edge and is caught by an unusually high tide, the very idea that such an orange might enter Pt. Roberts is anathema to the border guards. But what really destroys their evening sleep is the possibility that I, the Nexus-investigated, -authorized and -approved resident of Pt. Roberts and U.S. citizen, might confuse an orange, say, with a tomato (sort of the same shape), or with a carrot (sort of the same color).

Thus, any time I cross that border I am compelled to itemize any plant/vegetable/meat that is in my possession so that they can be certain that I have not made any of these simple mistakes. It is best if I also mention milk and dairy products since, I think, they may contain citrus fruits. Or they may include apples during the months that fall more or less between February and August (or sometimes April and September: the difference may depend upon the guard or the weather; I have no way of knowing). Even though I can always cross the border either way with bananas, Homeland Security insists that I discuss bananas with them. Just in case.

These rules are, of course, promulgated by the Agriculture Dept. but it is Homeland Security that insists they be pursued at the Pt. Roberts border just as they are pursued at the Port of Los Angeles. Further, it is the Homeland Security people who make the rule that if I neglect to mention any of these food products and they observe this product in my car, they can take my beloved Nexus card away from me forever for violating the rules. That decision is made by an individual border guard. There is an appeal process, but it appears that no one conducts the process. You write to request a hearing, but no one ever replies to your request. So, I take it, there is no appeals process. To live in Pt. Roberts without a Nexus card is not a good idea. You will be stuck in long lines at virtually every coming and going, and you will be stuck in them again if where you are heading for is the rest-of-the-U.S. which requires, of course, another border crossing. You will not be able to drive/ride in a car where other passengers have Nexus cards (or more to the point, they can’t cross the border in the Nexus lane with you in their car.) Many people I know here say, ‘If I lose my Nexus card, I’ll have to move back to the mainland U.S.’ And they also say, ‘I think it’s just a matter of time until I lose my Nexus card.’

And that is because you can’t possibly indefinitely avoid breaking their rules. Last summer, green onions but not yellow onions suddenly appeared as a prohibited entry; one year, annual flower plants in pots could be brought in but not perennials (fortunately, border guards know nothing about gardening), but then they decided NO plants, NO dirt: only cut flowers. Eggs? Yes, unless it turns out to be NO because they’re suddenly concerned about bird flu and have banned chicken. Beef? Yes, unless it’s NO because there is a worry somewhere about mad cow. They also usually don't want lamb, but I don't know what that's about. Bacon is okay as long as you tell them about it. So, first of all you never know when the rules change unless someone who has been caught mis-bringing tells you, a friend or neighbor. We have a monthly newspaper, but a once-a-month news source isn’t really going to do the trick.

And you can’t avoid breaking their rules because they frequently sort of make up the rules. You can’t bring in any tropical fruit (except bananas) and kiwi from New Zealand is a tropical fruit because it could have been grown in a tropical area, the guard advised me as he tossed my 10 just-bought-in-Canada kiwi into the trash. The apple rule is intended to prevent any apple grown anywhere other than Canada or the U.S. from crossing the border. But Canadian apples start ripening in July, and there are Canadian storage apples around until September when the new crop starts coming in. Thus, much of that Canadian crop is coterminous with New Zealand’s apple crop. The border guards arbitrarily decide during that overlap period whether this is an okay apple or a not okay apple. They all think no apples are okay from April to August. But from February to April it is much more uncertain what kind of reading you’ll get. It might help if your apple has a label, but they really prefer it to be in a sealed bag, although I’ve never seen a genuinely sealed bag of apples, just bags with twist ties.

Pt. Roberts is really, once you get there, a kind of paradise. But like any paradise, there’s the apple problem.